Today was Prana's last day as a sick kitten.
He had been failing and suffering, and so we did the thing no one wants to do. (For those unfamiliar with Prana's story, detailed on the Facebook page Catlandia, he had become catastrophically ill with a mystery neurological disease.)
I want to tell you about a few other, seemingly unrelated things.
A few years ago my mother died. Afterwards, I was sitting outside and a crow flew down and sat near me. Without thinking I said, "Hi Mom." Before this I was sure that death meant an end to everything we knew as life. But in this moment I knew something more.
He had been failing and suffering, and so we did the thing no one wants to do. (For those unfamiliar with Prana's story, detailed on the Facebook page Catlandia, he had become catastrophically ill with a mystery neurological disease.)
I want to tell you about a few other, seemingly unrelated things.
A few years ago my mother died. Afterwards, I was sitting outside and a crow flew down and sat near me. Without thinking I said, "Hi Mom." Before this I was sure that death meant an end to everything we knew as life. But in this moment I knew something more.
A couple of years back I was doing TNR at the GPKs colony home at night. Anything can happen there at night, and I ended up trapping a cat I did not know. I took her in for spaying, and in surgery they saw that she had already been spayed. She was a tiny thing, an elder, and very friendly. I kept her at Catlandia. I thought someone must have dumped her years ago.
I called her Vera, which had been my mother's mother's name. Vera would lie on my shoulder as I would lie on my side. She got very sick, and this gave her great comfort, to be with me in this spot. She died, and I went a bit mad. It was a hard death for her, and I grieved for her and for my mom all over again.
This year Martin died in the vet's office following a procedure. It was shocking, unexpected. Martin was a big beautiful cat who was the heart and soul of the GPKs colony. He was the center that held everything together, the glue. He was the gentle father figure of the Love Clique, the group of GPKs boys who are so loving and affectionate with one another.
This year Martin died in the vet's office following a procedure. It was shocking, unexpected. Martin was a big beautiful cat who was the heart and soul of the GPKs colony. He was the center that held everything together, the glue. He was the gentle father figure of the Love Clique, the group of GPKs boys who are so loving and affectionate with one another.
Earlier this year I got a call about a kitten who was all alone, found in a neighborhood. I came, looked for his mom, and ended up bringing him home. I called him Prana. He would lie on my shoulder when I would lie on my side, just like Vera used to do. One day I asked him if Vera was in there with him. In reply he lightly touched the tip of my nose with his little paw. And I had my answer right then.
We made the appointment and a while before it was time, we got in the car and drove down to the edge of the world. I wanted to show Prana the ocean, and for us to sit here peacefully and say our goodbyes.
We made the appointment and a while before it was time, we got in the car and drove down to the edge of the world. I wanted to show Prana the ocean, and for us to sit here peacefully and say our goodbyes.
We walked out on the walkway a bit, felt the breeze and the light rain, and Prana saw the ocean. He was curious and checking it all out.
We got back in the car, leaving the door open so we could see and feel and hear the shore.
I held him and told him, again, what we were doing. That it was almost over, and that in an hour he would be able to be everywhere all at the same time. That Vera and Martin would show him the ropes and be with him. That I would go with him as far as I could, and that he could come and see me in an hour, and anytime afterwards. That if there is any fairness in the thing that comes next, I will see him there again soon. I realized today that the reason Vera has been with him was about this day. She knew when I did not that this was growing, and coming. I thought she might have come for me but she came for him.
In the vet's office we did the things that are called euthanization. Prana died. It was over.
I came home and took a walk with Natalie the dog. When we got back, I went back outside and saw something I have not seen before. On the roof of the house next door, just a few yards away, three vultures flew down and landed. I knew this was extraordinary, and related to Prana's passing, but not what was happening exactly. I grabbed the camera and got a few photos.
In the vet's office we did the things that are called euthanization. Prana died. It was over.
I came home and took a walk with Natalie the dog. When we got back, I went back outside and saw something I have not seen before. On the roof of the house next door, just a few yards away, three vultures flew down and landed. I knew this was extraordinary, and related to Prana's passing, but not what was happening exactly. I grabbed the camera and got a few photos.
When I uploaded the pictures afterwards, I saw this one. And then I knew. Whoo...this is going to bring me to tears again.
Here goes: When I told Prana that Vera and Martin would be there to help, I also spoke to Vera and Martin and my mother, and asked them to help. And I told Prana that he could come see me in an hour, if he wanted. I said that to him. The three vultures had atoms of Vera, Martin, and Prana in them. Can you believe that? I do. I didn't "get" it til I saw the photo, though.
When two of the vultures flew up and over a few yards to the top of the telephone pole at the corner of the yard, I saw a crow swoop down and glide in a circle around this place, and then go back off the way she came. My mom, who came to me after her own death, in a crow. I had asked her to help Prana today. And there she was. These birds coming to me less than an hour after Prana's death brought me some much needed peace.
So its over. The part where Prana is here with us. What is he doing, being, exeriencing now? He has no failing body to hold him down anymore. He is flying free, I think, with friends. I hope to see him again one day, and hold him in my arms and tell him how much I love him.
When two of the vultures flew up and over a few yards to the top of the telephone pole at the corner of the yard, I saw a crow swoop down and glide in a circle around this place, and then go back off the way she came. My mom, who came to me after her own death, in a crow. I had asked her to help Prana today. And there she was. These birds coming to me less than an hour after Prana's death brought me some much needed peace.
So its over. The part where Prana is here with us. What is he doing, being, exeriencing now? He has no failing body to hold him down anymore. He is flying free, I think, with friends. I hope to see him again one day, and hold him in my arms and tell him how much I love him.